Can i not drive my cunt home
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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