Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
