I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
