I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
