This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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