Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
a search helicopter?!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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