Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
