If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
