so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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