our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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