dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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