Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
