He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
