mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
