omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
