my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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