saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
