I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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