Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
