You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
