I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
