omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
3pm strippers are depressing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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