phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
