just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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