Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
