You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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