take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my poor anus
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
