you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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