one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
