Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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