Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Couch. On fire.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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