This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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