Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
