My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
