I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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