i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
