my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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