Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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