Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
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Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
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By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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