Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
