Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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