It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
