id be glad to
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
