If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
