Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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