I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
