the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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