I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
