Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
