I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
