I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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