She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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