yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
