I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
