I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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