As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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