Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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