Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
