im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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