Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
