If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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