The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
