Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
