quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
did you just send me my own nude
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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