just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
