He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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