Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
