I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
