captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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