I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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